Hell school er, I mean High school
by General-Beatrix666
Summary: I bought I whole pack of PIXIE STICKS!!! :D Now watch as me and my friends make this fanfic about the Zidane and the gang's summer in KUJA SECONDARY HIGH!!!! CHP2 is up!!!
1. Welcome to Kuja Secondary High!

Hell school…err… I mean, High school  
Disclaimer: I do not own ff9 so yeah don't sue! :P… please?  
  
It was a beautiful day in Alexandria, Knights roamed around the palace and merchants were selling sunscreen to every villager they came across! Ah, yes, summer was finally here. Children played in the Alexandrian River, women were setting themselves up for a tan and men were washing anything they could find with their shirts off. (Yes the old people too *shutters*) As all this was going on, the whole FF9 crew was packing their things for a Summer Vacation trip!!! YAY!!!!! And a much needed one too! Freya just needed to get away from all the commotion of rebuilding Burmecia, Vivi just HAD to get away from the children, Eiko couldn't stand one more minute of saying the word "Father" for Regent Cid any longer, Amarant just had nothing better to do, Steiner could not stand babysitting those bumbling Knights of Pluto all through the Summer, Quina was actually tired of cooking, Garnet could not bared the thought of making another royal command and Zidane… well, he just had a lot of time on his hands. Everyone packed everything they could find! Clothes, precious items, money, bathing suits, sunscreen, and a pool toy or two. Everyone was set. And they could not wait!!!  
  
"This is going to be the best trip ever!!" Eiko chirped as they all walked out of the castle.  
"Y-Yeah, I can't w-w-wait to have some fun in the sun!" Vivi smiled.  
"…It's about time too…" Amarant.  
"Yeah, finally some fun in the sun." Freya smiled.  
"I catch fish. Cook them on fire." Quina said.   
"I thought you were on this trip to get away from cooking, Quina." Vivi raised an eyebrow.  
"I want catch fish with own hands. It fun. I just glad I get out of kitchen." Quina smiled licking his/her lips.   
"Are you sure Beatrix can't come?" Steiner sulked.  
"No, Steiner. She already said she didn't want to come. Besides, someone has to take care of Alexandria while we're gone." Garnet told him.  
"Yeah, Rusty. I mean, where is she going to go? We hardly have anymore room for and set of luggage! We have no room on the Invincible! And besides it's not like you can just hit her over the head with a herring, stuff her in your suit case, and bring her along just like that!" Zidane smirked.  
"Where the hell do you come up with this stuff?" Steiner rolled his eyes.  
"My head, where I come up with EVERYTHING I think and say!" Zidane said, sticking out his tongue.  
"How rude! Princess does he HAVE to come?" Steiner glared at the young genome.  
"For the last time, yes, Steiner!" Garnet barked.  
"Sigh… Just wonderful." Steiner sighed as walked back into the castle.  
"Hey, where are you going Steiner?" Freya asked.  
"I'm going to say one last goodbye to Beatrix." Steiner called back.  
"Okay! But hurry it up! We'll be waiting for you on the Invincible!" Garnet shouted to him.  
"Heh, well isn't he infatuated." Zidane smirked.   
"…So what. You're infatuated all the time with every woman you see… Like that night at the bar-" Amarant begun.  
"What about the night at the bar!?" Garnet interrupted.   
"NOTHING! Ha ha ha ha! What night at the bar? What are you talking about?" Zidane laughed nervously and became shifty eyed.  
"Remember? That night with that blonde bartender-" Amarant begun again.  
"Oh look! The Invincible is here! Let's get on board and get out of here!" Zidane interrupted pointed to the large ship and ran ahead of them.  
"Hey! Zidane get back here! You tell me what happened right this minute!!!" Garnet shouted, chasing after him.  
"Hey guys! Wait up!!!" Eiko hollered as she ran after them both.  
"H-H-H-He-e-ey!!!" Vivi squeaked, following Eiko and was soon followed by everyone else.  
  
Zidane ran on board and dumped his stuff in the bridge and ran into the cockpit. He hid beside the door as he heard footsteps enter the ship.   
  
"Zidane Tribal! Wherever you're hiding I'll find you!! How dare you keep secrets from me!!!" Garnet's voice could be heard.  
  
Zidane remained where he was. Garnet entered the cockpit and looked around, not noticing Zidane behind her. Zidane raised his hands high above her head and had them come down hard on her sides as he began to tickle her like crazy. Garnet let out a squeal and began to laugh hysterically. Their friends huddled at the door, watching the display.   
  
"They have it so easy don't they?" Freya spoke.  
"…Yes, but who knows how long this will last…" Amarant glared at his genome rival.   
"Wish I was Garnet right now…" Eiko sulked.  
"Yeah, tickling is fun." Said Vivi.  
"…Sigh… You're hopeless, Vivi." Eiko rolled her eyes.  
"I'm back!" a voice called from behind them.   
  
They all turned around to find Steiner dragging a second suit case. They watched as he threw his first suit case onto the pile and carefully set his other on the ground. Quina, believe it or not, found it quite suspicious. Quina walked up to the bag and sniffed it.  
  
"Suit case smell pretty! Flowery!" Quina stated.  
Everyone raised and eyebrow and looked at Steiner.  
"Well-uh… I… Um… Beatrix gave me one of her silk hankies sprayed with her perfume." Steiner told them with a blushing face.  
"Ahhh." Freya, Eiko and Vivi understood and continued to watch the display in the cockpit.  
"…I'd prefer an undergarment, but whatever." Amarant said then turn to the cockpit.  
Quina continued to stare at the suitcase. Suddenly the suitcase began to move a bit and a banging noise came from inside then stopped for a while.  
"AHH! BAG MOVE! BAG MOVE!!!" Quina shouted.  
"NO IT DIDN'T!" Steiner shouted grabbing his suitcase with shifty eyes.  
"I see bag move! You got something in bag I not know about?" Quina asked taking the suitcase. "It be food? It frog??? I eat!"  
Steiner pulled the suit case away from Quina, "You eat this suit case and I shall behead you myself you retarded scoundrel!"  
"What's going on in here?" Garnet exited the cockpit with a smile. She was obviously over Zidane having a secret from her.  
"N-Nothing, Your Highness." Steiner told her.  
"Well stop fooling around you two! We're about to take off!" Garnet told them and walked back into the cockpit.  
  
Steiner gave Quina a death glared as he set his suitcase down and they both walked into the cockpit. Zidane stood at the controls and set course for Healing Shores Resort. The Invisible slowly rose into the air, turned in the direction of their destination and sailed swiftly in that direction. As Zidane piloted the airship, Amarant and Freya wandered around the ship, Eiko, Vivi and Garnet talking about how fun it was going to be while Steiner guarded his "mystery" suit case from Quina. Suddenly there was a loud CRASH!!!! Everyone stopped what they were doing and ran to the cockpit. Zidane lay on the ground holding his head. The cockpit window was smashed and mist flooded into the ship. But how can mist flood into the ship if there is no mist anymore? They soon found out. A Shadowy figure walked towards them surrounded in the mist. Everyone helped Zidane to his feet and stared at the shady figure. Zidane's eyes shot wide open at the figure's appearance.  
  
"K-K-Kuja?! Zidane exclaimed.  
"Yes it is I, Kuja!" The figure announced.   
"You stay away from my bag- I mean… The Queen!" Steiner shouted stepping in front of Garnet with his sword drawn.   
Kuja just laughed as the others drew their weapons as well, "I have no interest in your Queen. I am here for my revenge on all of you."  
"But doesn't that count Garnet?" Eiko asked.  
"No."  
"But you said ALL of us!"  
Kuja began to get shifty eyed, "Shut up."  
"HA! I out smarted the 'Super Genome'!" Eiko said proudly.  
"I thought I told you to shut up!" Kuja said angrily, "Or I shall use… THE DUCK TAPE!!!!"  
"Oh no! Not the 'Duck tape'!" Everyone said sarcastically.  
A/N: Okay… I should eat less white sugar… *starts on the brown sugar*  
"Sigh… Why is it so hard to think of new diabolical weapons?" Kuja asked himself as he rolled his eyes.  
"Shouldn't you be getting to the point about now?" Asked Freya staring at her watch.  
A/N: Don't ask me why they'd have watches… -_-;;;;  
"Fine. (Stupid pathetic rat…) Anyway, my darlings, this sweet revenge will take away the things everyone looks forward each year… SUMMER VACATION!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"  
"The hell!?" Amarant exclaimed.  
"N-Nooooooooooo…" Vivi whimpered.  
"You can't do that!" Zidane shouted at his brother.  
"Actually I can. You will all be spending your summer vacation in the most damned place on Gaia!!!" Kuja cackled.  
"Hell?" Amarant asked.  
"The Fire Shrine?" Freya asked.  
"The Desert Palace?" Garnet asked.  
"Steiner's Room?" asked Zidane.  
"Your Closet of Thongs?" asked Steiner, ignoring Zidane.  
"Nope." Kuja merely answered with a sly smile.  
"Where we go?" Quina asked.  
"You'll be going to… dun dun dun… HIGH SCHOOL!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kuja cackled hysterically.   
A/N: Yes, they do their own sound affects…  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" Everyone exclaimed.   
"Yes, you'll all spend your summer vacation going to high school!"  
"Oh well that's fine then." Steiner said calmly.  
"Excuse me?" Kuja eyed him, "What do you mean by that?"  
"Well that only leaves Zidane and the Queen to go to high school." Steiner replied.  
"WHAT!?" Zidane and Garnet exclaimed.  
"Explain." Kuja said, gesturing for Steiner to continue.  
"Well you see, Master Vivi and Eiko are only 8 and 12 and are too young to go to high school. Miss Freya, Amarant and I on the other hand, are between the age range of 20 and 35… Meaning that we are far too old to go the high school. And Heaven knows how old Quina is or if he/she can be classified as a student. That leaves Garnet and Zidane who are both age 18, perfect for high school."  
"I see…" Kuja mused.  
"Steiner… I'll see that you get suspended from duty for this!" Garnet growled.  
"I'm just stating facts, Your Majesty." Steiner told her.  
"Facts they may be, Captain. But I think I can change those facts into fiction with my new machine."  
"Machine?" Everyone asked at once.  
"Yes my Age Manipulator! It can make people increase or decrease in age." Kuja smirked, "Quite ingenious, no?"   
"No." Amarant replied, crossing his arms.  
Kuja shot a glare at him.  
"Let me guess, you're gonna kill us by increasing our age to over a hundred and pushing us off a sidewalk to break our feeble hips making us die instantly from the fall and the broken bone tearing our insides. Diabolical!!!!" Zidane exclaimed.  
"Um, how about no." Kuja glared, "I already told you what I was going to do with you and this machine is going to help."  
"Um, I-I hate to ask… but… how will it help?" Vivi asked.  
"Easy, now if you'll just follow me…" Kuja began to head for the broken window, then turned to find that no one was moving. "Well come on!"  
"We aren't going anywhere with you, Kuja." Garnet told him, putting her hands on her hips.  
"Sigh, you know it would at least make my job easier if you'd just follow me!" Kuja shouted.  
No one moved.  
"Sigh… Alright! If you're all going to be that way I might as well do it myself!" Kuja snarled, "Insolent retards."  
  
Kuja snapped his fingers and everything went black. Everyone awoke to Kuja standing over them, in front of a large chamber. Everyone slowly rose to their feet and looked around. They were in a very large and dark room that had no doors, windows nor walls to be seen in the darkness. All that could be seen was their luggage, which they assumed Kuja brought with them; the large Chamber, Kuja, and each other.   
  
"…Where are we?" Amarant demanded.  
"You'll soon see. Now who wants to be the first to enter the Chamber of Age?" Kuja asked.  
"…" Everyone was silent.  
  
Suddenly, Eiko booted Vivi in the butt, making him leap forward.  
  
"Ow! W-What was that for?" Vivi cried.  
"Ahh, the Puppet. So you want to be the first to witness what it's like to be a teenager? Alright, come with me." Kuja smirked grabbing the young mage's hand.  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Vivi cried.  
  
Kuja opened the large metal door of the chamber, this caused mist leaked out on to the dark floor. Vivi cowered and shuttered as Kuja look down at him with a devilish smile before tossing the poor mage in. Kuja quickly shut the door, locked it and ran to the controls. He hit a couple of buttons and stood back and watched as the machine lit up and made loud thundering sounds. The gang was helpless but to watch as the machine did some horrible to their friend. Suddenly, the noise stop and the door swung open. More mist spill out on to the floor. A tall figure, about Garnet's height, stepped out of the chamber and it looked just like Vivi… but older!  
  
"M-Master Vivi?" Steiner stutter at what seemed to be his young friend.  
"W-What is it Mister Steiner? What's wrong?" Vivi asked with a more lower toned voice.  
"V-V-Vivi! You're voice!" Garnet exclaimed.  
"What?"   
"It's… different and you're… taller!!!"  
"Ha ha ha ha! Welcome to the teenage years, Vivi. You are now 14 years old." Kuja laughed.  
"Wha-What?" Vivi Stuttered.  
"Miss Carol, since you volunteered young Vivi I think it's only fair that it's your turn." Kuja smirked as he grabbed the young child's hand and threw her in.  
  
Several curses could be heard from inside the chamber as Kuja repeated the process. The door swung open when all was finished to reveal a girl in a tight pink shirt and bright yellow jeans.  
  
"Whoa! What are these?!" Eiko exclaimed looking at her chest.  
"Congratulations, Eiko, you just hit puberty. You are the same age as Vivi now get out of my sight!" Kuja said rolling his eyes.  
"How come Dagger's are bigger than mine?"  
"…Eiko just be quite and get away from that cross dresser…!" Amarant shouted.  
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway… who's next?" Kuja asked with a smirk.  
"…" No response.  
"Fine, I'll choose. How about the happy couple?" Kuja smirked grabbing their wrists and tossing them into the chamber.  
  
He locked the door pushed the buttons and waited for the machine to finish its work. Once done, Out came Zidane and Dagger looking… the same?  
  
"Ha! Your machine didn't work!" Zidane laughed.  
"Actually, it did. You are both 2 years younger." Kuja smiled.  
"Whoop-dee-doo!" Garnet said sarcastically.  
"So… who's next?" Kuja turned to the others.  
"I!" Quina exclaimed.  
"…Right… Okay in you go…" Kuja told him/her, not wanting to touch it.  
  
Quina waddled into the chamber as Kuja shut the door behind it. Kuja pushed the buttons, the machine flashed and Kuja reopened the door to let Quina out… who also looked exactly the same…  
  
"??? Is your machine broken or something!?" Freya asked.  
"I dunno, He/She should be 15… oh well, let's try it with you." Kuja said kicking her in.  
  
He pushed the buttons and stuff… blah, blah, blah… The door opened to reveal a short young Burmecian in a baggy T-shirt, her hair gelled to one side, and wearing a long black skirt.  
  
"Freya! I never knew you were a punk!" Zidane smirked.  
"Shut up, Zidane! I was 17!" Freya growled. "Besides, Frately thought I looked cute like this."  
"…Whatever…" Amarant said cooly as he walked into chamber shutting the door behind him.  
  
Kuja pushed the buttons watched the machine light up. The door swung open with Amarant in a white muscle shirt, green hot pants and a green sweater draped over his shoulders.  
  
"!!! Amarant? Is there something you wanna tell us?" Kuja said trying not to laugh.  
"…Whatever… I'm 17 big deal…" Amarant walked back to the group.  
"Ooooooookaaaaaaaaay… who's next?" Kuja asked.  
"This is idiotic." Steiner grumbled.  
"So nice of you to volunteer, Captain." Kuja smiled.  
"What!? I did no such thing!" Steiner exclaimed.  
"Well I guess I could let your little friend go first." Kuja laughed.  
"What is he talking about?" Zidane asked.  
"Well what did you expect? I am doing this to all NINE of you." Said Kuja.  
"Nine? But there is only eight of us!" said Garnet.  
"Perhaps it's time to let the Rose out of the bag, dear Captain." Kuja chuckled.  
"I don't know what he's talking about." Steiner told everyone.  
"Oh really?" Kuja asked as she waltzed over to the bag that Quina had been trying to get at for the past few hours.   
"Wait! Don't open that!" Steiner shouted.  
"Actually, I think I shall." Kuja smiled at he ripped open the bag.  
  
Just as he did this General Beatrix came tumbling out gasping for air. Everyone turned to Steiner with a glare. Steiner rushed over to help her up.  
  
"DEAR GOD THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!" Beatrix gasped.  
"Your welcome, Lady Rose." Kuja smiled.  
Beatrix turned to Steiner and slapped him across the face, "That's for stuffing me in that suitcase!"  
"Ow…" Steiner groaned.  
"How did he stuff you in that suitcase, Beatrix?" Zidane asked.  
"He came up to me saying he was just about to leave then hit me over the head with some type of fish!" Beatrix told him.  
"Was it a herring?" He asked.  
"Actually, yes. Then he shoved me in his suitcase, planning to bring me along!" She replied, "How did you know it was a herring?"  
"I had a hunch." Zidane smirked at Steiner.  
"Right. Anyway what's this about a age machine?" Beatrix asked.  
"Kuja's planning to ruin our vacation by sending us back to high school." Garnet informed her, "The age machine is to turn us into teens of different age levels."  
"Okay… that is the dumbest plan I ever heard! High school is a synch!" Beatrix told them.  
"Then I guess you won't mind experiencing it all over again?" Kuja asked.  
"You're on! I love a challenge!" Beatrix smiled as she walk over to the machine and poked her head into the chamber looking around.   
"In ya go!" Kuja smiled slapping her on the butt, causing her to jump inside the chamber.  
  
Kuja quickly shut the door behind her and began to press the buttons. The machine lit up, made its usual sounds and stuff. The door swung open to revealing Beatrix as an 18 year old girl with her same eye-patch and hair but wearing a skimpy red tube top, belly button piercing and tight jeans. Steiner let out a whistle and a holler.  
  
"Beatrix, ever heard of a bra? Because I think it's cold in here." Amarant smirked.  
"Shut up Tennis Jockey." Beatrix glared.  
"Buuuuuuuuuuuuuh…" Zidane drooled.  
  
Garnet smacked Zidane upside the head. Freya laughed.   
  
"Well now that we've had our fun, I believe it's the Captain's turn." Kuja smiled.  
"Ooo! I always wondered what Rusty looked like when he was 18!" Zidane laughed.  
"Well then, shall we, Captain?" Kuja smirked.  
"Uh… I don't know…" Steiner murmured.   
"Oh come on now, it's only fair. Everyone else went in. Are you going in or not?" Kuja told him.  
"But-"  
"Too late! I've decided for you!" Kuja declared as he shoved Steiner into the chamber.   
  
Kuja shut the door pressed all the buttons, (You know the drill), the door swung open to reveal a shocking sight!  
  
"Oh dear god!!!" Garnet exclaimed.  
"I can't believe this!" Freya said with a pale face.  
"The hell!?!?!?!" Amarant shouted.  
"Albert?" Beatrix asked in shock.  
"My Gods! He's… He's… He's…" Zidane paused.  
"What? What's wrong with me?" Steiner's voice came from the chamber.  
"He's a JOCK!!!" Zidane exclaimed.  
  
Steiner walked out of the chamber as a young muscular 18-year-old with spiky black hair, wearing a white muscle shirt and cargo jean shorts. Vivi walked up to him.  
  
"Mister Steiner?" he asked.  
"What is it, Master Vivi?" asked the 18 year old Steiner.  
"I-I-It IS you! Wow! You look great!" Vivi stammered.  
"I quite agree." Beatrix purred.  
"Thanks." Steiner blushed scratching the back of his head.  
"Hellooooooooooo! Everyone look at me now, I'm the evil genius here!" Kuja shouted at them to turn around.  
They did so.  
"Thank you. Now, you are all probably wondering where we are." Kuja began.  
"No." said Zidane.  
"Nope." said Eiko.  
"Nah-uh." Said Freya.  
"Um, no." Said Beatrix.  
"Nada." Said Steiner.  
"N-"  
"OKAY! I GET IT!!! Sheesh!" Kuja growled, "Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted… Allow me to 'Shine some light' on the subject."  
  
Kuja clapped his hands twice to reveal that they were standing in the middle of an auditorium. A SCHOOL AUDITORIUM! They all looked around wide-eyed.  
  
"Welcome, to KUJA Secondary High!" Kuja announced. "I named it myself"  
"We kinda noticed." Zidane said, rolling his eyes.  
"Why don't you just sit in those comfy chairs over there while I introduce you to the teacher, if you may." Kuja said point to a row of nine chairs.  
  
They jumped off the auditorium stage and sat down in the chairs.  
  
"Now, introducing your new teachers… Your English Teacher… the one… the only… British Kuja!" Kuja announced pointing to left stage where Kuja walked out from behind the curtain.  
"Good day, to you all. Jolly good!" Said the Kuja on left stage.  
"THE HELL!? There are two of you!?" Amarant shouted.  
"No, actually. This is just my British clone. I call him, British Kuja." The Real Kuja smirked.  
"Well aren't you Mr. Creativity." Garnet said sarcastically.   
"Why thank you." Kuja smiled, "Moving on… Here is your Art teacher… the one… the lovely… Disturbed Kuja!"  
  
Another Kuja came out from behind the curtain holding his arms and shaking as he stood next to British Kuja.  
  
"H-HI!" Shouted Disturbed Kuja.  
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…" Eiko rolled her eyes.  
"Now for your Gym Teacher… Sexy Kuja!" Kuja announced.  
  
No one came out from behind the curtain. They waited a few minutes, then suddenly another Kuja ran out on stage with his clothes messed up.  
  
"Sorry, I had some BUSINESS too take care of." Said Sexy Kuja as he stood next to Disturbed Kuja, "Well Hellooooooooooo ladies *wink wink*"  
"…" The girls were silent.  
"Your Math Teacher and X-Life Teacher… Professor Kuja and Insane Kuja!" Kuja announced.  
  
Two more Kujas came from behind the curtain. Professor Kuja was wearing a lab coat and glasses and Insane Kuja was in a straightjacket and his left eye was twitching.  
  
"Here is your Science teacher… The one the only… Manly Kuja!" Kuja pointed to left stage as a VERY muscular Kuja walked out and stood beside Professor Kuja and Insane Kuja.   
"Yo!" waved Manly Kuja.  
Eiko swooned.   
"Well that was unexpected. Moving right along… Here's your Language Teacher and your Socials Teacher… 3CPKuja and Military Kuja!" Kuja pointed to a Robotic Kuja and a Kuja wearing a military uniform.   
"……" everyone fell silent.  
"So? What do you think?" Kuja asked rubbing his hands together.  
"……"  
  
Suddenly the whole gang burst out laughing. The Kujas were not amused.  
  
"Hahahaha! This is a joke right?" Zidane laughed.  
"Excuse me?" Kuja asked.  
"Hahaha! You can't be serious about this! I mean… Manly Kuja, Professor Kuja, Military Kuja?! This has to be some sort of joke! You're not sending us to go to school with these personality rejects are you?" Garnet giggled.  
"That was the plan." Kuja told her.  
"…You're kidding right?" asked Freya.  
"Nope."  
"Oh come on, I mean, this is silly. You can't be serious." Eiko's laughing began to fade.  
"I'm perfectly serious." Kuja said.   
"No, really, you're not serious… right?" Steiner asked.  
"Do not make me repeat myself Captain. Now, shall we move on to the Grades you'll be in?" Kuja asked.  
"You are not serious!" Zidane shouted.  
"As I told the Captain, I am not repeating myself, dear brother."  
"But this is stupid! I'm not spending my vacation in some dumb school!"  
"Well get used to it soldier! Now sit yer anus in your seat!" Shouted Military Kuja.  
"Hee hee hee! Uranus…" giggled Insane Kuja.  
"Oh my god! We're gonna be in school for 2 months!!!" panicked Zidane.  
"Calm Down, Zidane. It'll be alright. We can beat this together. We're adults after all." Freya consoled him.  
"But I never went to school!!!" Zidane panicked.  
"Oh, and did I mention if you wish to escape this torture you'll all have to get passing grades by the end of this term or else you'll spend the rest of your lives in here!" Kuja cackled. "Even if one of you screws up, you all will be punished for it! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!"  
"…We're screwed…" Amarant spoke up.   
"This is Stupid! I knew I should have went to summer camp!" Eiko whined.  
"This will be more of a challenge than I thought…" Beatrix thought to herself.  
"Why the hell are we just sitting here!? Why don't we just attack him now while his guard is down!?!?!?!" Steiner shouted as he ran onto the stage.  
"STEINER!!! DON'T BE A FOOL!!!!!!" Beatrix shouted after him.  
"Come on! I'll take all of you on at once!" Steiner shouted reaching for his sword, "… Where's my sword!?"  
"Looking for this?" Asked Manly Kuja.  
"How did you-"  
"I'm sorry, Captain, but weapons are not prohibited on SCHOOL property." Kuja smirked.  
"Oooooooooooo… pointy…" Insane Kuja smiled at the sword in infatuation.  
"Ummm… I suggest that you keep that thing away from Insane Kuja, Manly." Said Professor Kuja.  
"Okay." Manly Kuja breaks the sword in half.  
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! My Excalibur 2!!!!!" Steiner shouted.  
"As you will notice none of you are carrying your weapons. If you wish for them not to be harmed then I suggest you not interrupt me again!" Kuja told them.   
Everyone nodded. Steiner sulked all the way back to his seat.   
"Now before I was so rudely interrupted, Your Grades. Eiko and Vivi will be in the 8th Grade. Quina will be alone in the 9th grade (She/he counts as two with all that flab). The lovely Queen and my dear Brother will be in the 10th Grade. The Rat and the Loner will be in the 11th Grade. And the beautiful Lady Rose and the poor excuse for a Captain will be in the 12th Grade. Any Questions?"  
"I uh-" Vivi started.  
"Good!" Kuja cut him off, "Now, to make sure that you all have a bit of privacy and that you don't need to go home, I've made a modification to this school! It's a Boarding school!!"  
"Woo-hoo…" the gang said sarcastically.  
"Good. I'm glad you're excited because you start tomorrow! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! But for now, you all have a roommate who is amongst yourselves."  
"Yay! I have roommate!" Quina said happily.  
"Umm, except you Quina." Kuja glared at the Qu.  
"Wha?! Why?" Quina demanded.  
"Because I was too lazy to pair you guys up and you were all so nicely paired up already so if you're in the same Grade then you're roommates!" Kuja told them.  
"You really need to work this more thoroughly next time." Garnet suggested.  
"Maybe… But I'm only a character in this fanfic." Kuja shrugged.  
"Fanfic? What's a fanfic?" Zidane asked.  
"It's a story written by a fan of our adventure, which the 'fiction' can be Humor, Angst, Horror, Romance, Action/Adventure etc… And they post it on the Internet for readers to gawk at." Kuja explained.  
"You mean someone is watching us right now?" Eiko asked.  
"Why, Yes. See their right over there." Kuja points to the reader.  
"Whoa! He's right! Look at that person!" Zidane exclaimed.  
"Hi reader!" the Girls waved.  
"Hey, nice closes where'd ya get 'em?" Zidane asked the reader.  
Suddenly a voice from above bellows, "Hey! Stop bugging the reader!"  
"Who's that?" Steiner asked.  
"I'm the Author! Now, please ignore the reader and I and continue your silly adventure before I run out of pixie sticks! *twitch twitch*"   
"…Right…" said Amarant.  
"Anyway, I'll send you your timetables in the morning. Good nightmares." Kuja snapped his fingers and they all disappeared.  
"What a c-c-c-crazy group." Said Disturbed Kuja.  
"Do you really think we can pull this off?" asked Sexy Kuja.  
"It is logically possible. We just need to distract them somehow and they'll all fail!" Professor Kuja told them.  
"Those Miscreants won't know what hit 'em!" Military Kuja Laughed.  
"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *cough cough* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" The Kujas chorused.   
  
TBC… when I get some more pixiestcks… 


	2. Renavations and Wet Tube Tops :P

Hell school…err… I mean, High school  
Disclaimer: I do not own ff9 so yeah don't sue! :P… please?  
(Note: Author: "To those who reviewed without reading… YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOUR MISSING :P" Kuja: "…And now back to our original programming ^_^")  
  
"…This sucks…" Said Amarant standing in his dorm room with his assigned roommate and friend, Freya.  
"Well of course it sucks! It's a vacuum!" Freya rolled her eyes as she pulled out the vacuum from the closet on her side of the room. "This place is so dusty!"  
"No! I don't mean the vacuum! I mean this situation! I'm too cool for school!" Amarant told her.  
A/N: note, no one is too cool for school. Stay in school peeps! :P  
"Amarant, stop your bellyaching and help me clean this place. Once we clean this place up and turn on the sprinklers, it'll be like living in Burmecia again!" Freya smiled to herself.  
"…Is there any chance I can disagree to this?" Amarant asked.  
"Um… Nope."  
"…Then can I at least put an umbrella over my bed?"  
"Sure, why not."  
  
Amarant walked over to his closet and pull out 5 umbrellas, a hammer and a package of nails and headed over to his bed.  
  
"Hey! I agreed to one umbrella not 5!" Freya glared at him.  
  
Just then there was a knock at the door. Freya set the vacuum down by her bed and opened the door. At the door was Zidane and Vivi.   
  
"Hi Freya!" Vivi chirped happily.  
"Hey Freya! Doing some renovations I see." Zidane smirked as he looked around Freya to find Amarant nailing umbrellas over his bed.   
"You might say that. If we're going to be staying here for a while as torture might as well make the best of it." Freya smiled.  
"Well I hope we aren't staying too long. I'm not spending my vacation LEARNING."  
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I wonder what Kuja actually has planned for us."  
"Whatever it is, we gotta keep on our guard and watch out for and cheap tricks."  
"I like magic tricks." Vivi smiled.  
"Umm… Vivi… why don't you help Amarant with the umbrellas." Freya asked.  
"S-S-Sure." Vivi smiled as he walked past Freya.  
"(A wandering mind… that's not like him…)" Freya whispered to Zidane.  
"(I know, it seems that the chamber thingy Kuja shoved us into has changed us all a little bit.)" Zidane whispered back.  
"(How so?)"  
"(Well, Quina's been going to each room asking for sugar, Rusty's been more active than ever, and Eiko runs around and is more loud than usual.)"  
"(I see… This might explain my nagging and happy attitude that's been going off and on…)"  
"HAHAHAHA! Nagging and a happy attitude?! That doesn't seem the right for a punk!" Zidane laughed out loud.  
"I can see you've gone back to your 16 year old self…" Freya growled.  
"There's the Freya I know!" Zidane smirked.  
  
Suddenly Quina appeared from behind them with a cup in his/her hand.  
  
"I borrow sugar?" Quina asked with his/her trademark goofy smile.  
"…No Quina… go back to your dorm room." Zidane told him/her.  
  
Quina frowned and waddled back to its dorm room down the hall. Suddenly Beatrix came running toward them from the other end of the hall and stopped in front of the two. Her tube top was completely soaked and she seemed short of breath.   
  
"He-Hello Freya… He-Hello Master Zidane." Beatrix smiled as she was gasping for air.  
"Hey Beatrix, what's up?" Zidane asked.  
"Why are you huffing and puffing like that?" Freya asked.  
"I… I was running from… Albert…" Beatrix answered between breaths, "Freya can I borrow one of your shirts?"  
"Why are you running from him and why do you need one of Freya's shirts?" Zidane asked.  
"Steiner found a water gun in his closet and decided to test it out on me. Now my shirt is wet and he's drenched every single shirt I have!" Beatrix explained.  
"I was wondering what all the hollering was about." Zidane smirked.  
Beatrix gave him a quick glare then turned back to Freya, "So can I borrow one?"  
"Alright. But I don't know what's the problem with soaked clothes. My clothes were always soaked in Burmecia." Freya told her as she walked back into her room searching through her suit case.   
"Not a White one though! He can resist soaking my white shirts." Beatrix told her with an embarrassed look.  
"I wouldn't blame him." Zidane smirked wider.   
"With all due respect, Master Zidane, do shut up." Beatrix glared.  
"Okay, okay, no jokes about your misfortune of having a horny roommate." Zidane smirked even wider.  
Beatrix slapped her forehead, "Why me?"  
  
Freya came back to the door way holding a red 'I (Heart) NB'   
A/N: Note, NB = New Burmecia ^_^  
  
Freya handed it over to Beatrix, "Here you go. I don't mind if it gets wet, just return it in one piece."  
"Will do." Beatrix smiled at her friend, "Thanks."  
"Welcome. Anytime." Freya smiled as she gave her friend a hug.  
Beatrix hesitantly hugged back, "It's not like you to be so… cheery, Freya…"  
"We noticed." Zidane smirked.  
"Do you have any place I could change into this?" Beatrix asked, ignoring Zidane.  
"Well-" Freya began.  
"My room!" Zidane cut her off.  
"…As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, you can use the bathroom." Freya told her.  
"Thanks." Beatrix walked past Freya and Zidane into the room.   
"Well, I think I'll go see what Dagger and Eiko are up to. Later Freya!" Zidane said as he turned away and walked down the hall.   
"Bye!" Freya said as she shut the door.   
  
Suddenly before Freya could continue her work on the room, there was another knock at the door. Freya opened it to find Quina standing there with the same cup.  
  
"I borrow sugar?" Quina smiled.  
"You already came here and asked that." Freya told him/her.  
"…" Quina fell silent. "…I borrow sugar?"  
"Go home, Quina." Freya glared.  
"…" Teardrop weld up in Quina's eyes.  
"Sigh… Alright, I'll get you some sugar…" Freya said rolling her eyes.  
"Yay! I happy!" Quina jumped up and down as Freya disappeared into her room to find some sugar.  
Mmmmmmmm… Sugar… NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm out of sugary pixie-sticks again! :'( Oh well I'll have to cut this chapter short! Tune in next time to see when class starts! ^_~ R&R pleaze! No flames, OKay? 


End file.
